My life seemed to have mixed with contradictory sources. There was my childhood in a lower socioeconomic rural community in Utah, then my adolescence and young adulthood in upper middle-class San Francisco. I had a masculine father who was controlling and critical, and a feminine mother who was compassionate and affectionate. And there was always something inside that constantly vacillated between either building or destroying. I worked at some job since childhood and paid for twenty years of formal education after high school. I was athletic, scholarly and outgoing but suffere
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